But then I look back. And everything is different. The people I used to be friends with are gone. The people I used to trust I now mistrust. The people who used to accept me don't anymore. The same people who used to comfort me don't care about how I feel now. The people who used to always be there for me have left, and they don't plan on coming back.
So why is that? Why is it that everything is the same yet everything is so different? Maybe it's because the changes are small. So small that we hardly notice them while they are happening. Maybe everything changes every day, we just don't realize it until later when we can see the difference that has been made, when we can see the changes in our life.
Sometimes I wonder why things change. I wonder why bad things happen. I wonder why people stop caring and why people leave. And each time I wonder about these things, I feel even more lost than I did before. I don't know why things change, or why bad things happen, or why people stop caring and leave, but I do know one thing--sometimes there's just nothing we can do to change the change that is happening...
happy birthdaay emiliaa! I can't believe you're finally seventeen! So we've been friends for..how long now? Let's see. We met in fifth grade when you "found" Maryssa's pencil on the ground. And then there was sixth grade when we were like biffs and Olivia Lawson yelled at you for writing congratulations Bush on the chalkboard of Mrs. Robinson's class. Then there was seventh grade when you tried to push Marisa out of a window(: hahah and you me Karina and Marisa were in the guidance office like every single day for like two weeks in a row. Oh and there was also that time that I screamed at you in Mrs. Ryan's classroom. Good times good times! haha jk. And then there was eighth grade. DRAMA. haha we were friends and you liked this boy and then I ended up "dating" him and then you were mad and then I got mad because you would call him like every day and talk to him for hours. Maybe I was just jealous that it was so easy for you to talk to boys. For you to talk to people in general. It's probably because you're gorgeous and people love talking to you. Moving on to ninth grade we were friends again! And then more drama in tenth grade and then junior year. I feel like all the drama that goes on between us just brings us even more closer than we were before. Or the fact that we're fighting a common enemy...haha that could be a reason too! Alright now not really fighting an enemy...but we're both basically being excluded from a certain group with certain people who for some reason think it's okay to use us as just a last resort or when they're left with no one to talk to. That's seven years. And if you put a two in front of that seven. You get a twenty seven. Twenty seven is the minimum amount of years I want to be friends with you. Twenty seven is also the number of times I wish I could tell you that you were beautiful every single day, because I don't think you know it. And finally, twenty seven, or the twenty seventh, is the day you were born. It's your birthday! Or rather in just under four hours it will be your birthday. But I'm posting this now, so that you can feel beautiful and loved from even before you're birthday ends until tomorrow night when you're birthday ends. And hopefully I can keep you convinced long after that(: I'm extremely glad you were born emilia. Like you have noo idea. You're basically the only one who I can talk to about anything and everything now. You're the only one who I've been able to do that with for awhile now. And we all know how hard it is to find someone who understands everything you're going through and is always there when you need them. One who can make you smile on your worst days and who loves you no matter what you do. One who won't leave. If it weren't for you I don't know where I'd be today, but I guaratee you that I'd be in worse shape than I am now. I thank God every day for giving me such a beautiful, supportive, and amazing best friend!
I love youuuu(:
well not literally, since every minute is exactly 60 seconds and the seconds are always at the same length, but you know what i mean.
so youre sitting there, on your bed, or your couch, or your floor, or wherever the heck you happen to be. and you look at your phone every second, hoping to see the screen light up. and every other one second you click one of the buttons, forcing the screen to light up, checking to see if maybe you missed the little buzz that alerts you of a new message.
after a minute of glancing and clicking at your phone, you open up your sent box to make sure the message actually sent. theres nothing more annoying than waiting for a text back from someone and then finally giving up and deciding they arent going to text back, only to realize that your "sent" message never actually sent.
so you make sure it sent. and it did. but they STILL havent responded. it's been a minute and a half. youre getting scared now, because it feels like its been forever. maybe they have fallen asleep, or have gone to the store, or got into the shower, or done something that has kept them from responding.
its been a minute and 50 seconds now. and you draw a mental picture of them, giving them a mental punishment for ignoring you.
at a minute 54, you open up the message, debating whether or not to send it again. would that be annoying? is that why they stopped texting back? are they annoyed? do they hate you? oh no, what have you done?...
you move your finger away from the send button 4 seconds later, deciding that you must have done something wrong and clearly they do not want to talk to you any more.
its been a minute and 59 seconds, and youre about to turn off your phone in disappointment. you will wait another second before smashing down the power button. they have one second to respond. its been waaay too long. or so it feels.
2 minutes. you move to turn your phone off. but as your finger touches the power key, the screen lights up.
THEY'VE TEXTED YOU BACK!
you know what I think? I think it's a smart strategy. see girl number two might think that girl number one is just trying to be her friend and be nice, but really, girl number one is only pretending to be girl number two's best friend to keep an eye on her. you see by keeping her enemy, or the ex-girlfriend of her current boyfriend, under her wing as a friend, girl number two begins to trust girl number one and she starts telling girl number one all these secrets while girl number one just sits back and soaks up all this information to use as blackmail.
but, what if girl number two is doing the same thing as girl number one? what if girl number two is just pretending to be best friends with girl number one just like girl number one is just pretending to be best friends with her?
DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNN !
So this is my first blog post(:
Today was a beautiful day. It was in the high 80's and the sun was out shining. It was a perfect day for a...game of tennis. At precisely 12:48 in the afternoon, I started to prepare myself to play tennis. I picked up my bright orange drawstring bag, threw my racket and balls inside and pulled it closed. I then proceeded to make a peanut butter sandwich, carefully pulling the crust off when I was finished.
DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN.
I arrived at the park at exactly 12:59 pm. I went into the tennis courts and began to stretch for the intense game of...tennis. After stretching every muscle from head to toe, I pulled out my racket and did one of those dramatically slow, intimidating strides onto the court. It only took one stride, but that one stride was the most intense stride I've ever taken. I can hear that chinese music that signifies tension playing in the background as I eye my opponents. I serve...and the ball goes over the fence. YES! I do a victory lap around my side of the court. I'm definitely in it to win it.
Alright, so I lost the game. But that's perfectly okay because after being crushed on the court I came home and ate a can of Pringles.
It's chill. My life is legit.