toe taps are completely worthless.

Today was the first day of fall sport tryouts. Football and field hockey on the bermuda fields, soccer  on the turf and lower fields, volleyball  in the gym, and cross country everywhere. So why am I telling you this? Because I'm about to tell you what sport I play, I'm about to tell you my fall sport story.

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Freshman year I tried out for soccer, because soccer is what makes me happy, it's my happy place in this world of doom and gloom. It's something that I always feel comfortable doing, not because I'm good, but because I really don't care what other people say, because I love playing. Unfortunately, when the list of names was posted up against the gym door after tryouts, my name wasn't on it. I had been cut. I was crushed, but I got over it.

Sophomore year was much the same. And to my disappointment I was cut, again. I didn't understand. They say that when you fall down, the strong get right back up. And I got right back up from freshman year's, in my book, failure, and I had tried out again. So why didn't I make it? I was better than half the girls that tried out...Once again, I was crushed. But instead of sitting around everyday from 2 in the afternoon to around 6 at night, one of my friends introduced me to cross country. It was like nothing I had ever done before. As a freshman, I'd see people from the cross country team running miles and miles a day and I'd think to myself, who the hell would ever join cross country willingly?? Ironically, I found myself running those miles and miles a day. The running was tough, I mean really tough, both physically and mentally, but I did it. The coach was a bitch, but my teammates were no less than amazing. They found ways to keep me laughing on days where all I wanted to do was quit, they were the best support system I could have asked for. Being so supportive and accepting, they became my second family.

But, as much as I liked cross country, or rather as much as I liked the team, I hadn't given up on soccer just yet. So, as I walked onto the soccer field for tryouts junior year, I thought to myself, third time's the charm. Well apparently third time wasn't the charm, and by the end of tryouts, I was sure something was wrong with the coaches. I was cut for the third time. So, I turned back to cross country. Once again, my teammates were amazing, and my second family grew closer and closer. If I had cut out the part where my coach called me negative and told me that I brought the whole team down, then it would have been an almost perfect year. The running became more and more bearable as I got stronger and stronger, and I started falling in love with cross country, not as much as I loved soccer, but pretty close.

So when senior year rolled around, I had a choice to make. Soccer, the love of my life, or cross country, the sport where my second family was, the sport that I had begun to love too? I thought over this question for days, trying to reason with myself that one choice was better over the other, trying to convince myself that soccer would be the best choice. But then I thought about it, I really thought about it. And I realized that maybe the reason that I didn't make the soccer team any of the years that I tried out was because I wasn't supposed to make the soccer team. Not trying to be cocky, but I'm not a bad soccer player, so maybe I didn't make the team because I somehow was meant to be on cross country.

Today was the first day of soccer tryouts. But, today was also the first day of cross country tryouts. I went to cross country tryouts. And as I looked across the field where the soccer players were passing and dribbling, I realized that I'm okay with my decision, that I don't regret not trying out for soccer. And when I looked around at the faces sitting around me, I smiled, and for once in a long while, I truly felt happy, and I truly felt a sense of belonging.

It was then that I knew that, even when I felt like the running was going to be the end of me, this was the sport that I loved, and that these were the people that I loved, the people who would stand by me and support me no matter what. And I knew that I wouldn't be happy anywhere else. Why? Because cross country is where I belong.