oh hey.

It's easier to say that you don't care Than to admit that you're hurt.


breaking point.

"I'm Okay"....the perfect, overused cover up for when you're feeling the exact opposite.
Too bad everyone will believe you when you say it. Too bad even your closest friends can't figure out that you're anything and everything but okay. Too bad know one knows. Too bad you're too fragile to tell them, too fragile to let anything out of your heart, your heart that has become a vacuum of every thought, every feeling, every emotion in which you want to express but just can't.
Too bad you just don't care anymore. Too bad it's easier to say that you're okay and to fake a smile, than to frown and have to explain why you're upset. Too bad you're not strong enough to let yourself feel sad. Too bad you know that if you do, then you will fall harder and faster than you've ever fallen. Too bad you know that if you do, then there may be no recovery.
Too bad the second the words escape your lips the person moves on. Too bad you have to hold back tears and concentrate on your breathing. Too bad you know you have to continue to hold everything in no matter how much you want to let it out. Too bad that while you're holding everything in you're bringing yourself further and further down, closer and closer to the breaking point.
Too bad that everything eventually starts to feel numb and everything bad that happens from then on has no effect on you. Too bad you've become used to getting hurt, used to feeling pain, used to being empty and alone. Too bad you can't do it anymore. Too bad that you're not strong enough to hold that fake smile in place anymore. Too bad that you run. Too bad that you keep running. Away and away from everything and everyone. Too bad you fall to your knees, tears streaming down your face. Too bad you're shaking hands don't have the power to hold you together, to stop the pain.
Too bad that everything you've been holding together comes crashing down upon you in that instant. Too bad the numbness, and the emptiness, is still there, but overpowering it now is the fear of not being able to handle it anymore. Too bad there's no one around. Too bad there's no one you trust anyways. Too bad it's been so long since you've cried, too long since you've breathed, too long since you've felt safe, too long since you've actually felt okay.
Too bad, you think, as you say "I'm okay" one more time. Too bad, you think, as you try your best to regain control. Too bad, you think, that this slip up might just destroy you forever. Too bad, you think, as you close your eyes, just laying on the ground, just waiting. Too bad, you think, too bad.

No comments:

Post a Comment