breaking point.

"I'm Okay"....the perfect, overused cover up for when you're feeling the exact opposite.

Too bad everyone will believe you when you say it. Too bad even your closest friends can't figure out that you're anything and everything but okay. Too bad know one knows. Too bad you're too fragile to tell them, too fragile to let anything out of your heart, your heart that has become a vacuum of every thought, every feeling, every emotion in which you want to express but just can't.

Too bad you just don't care anymore. Too bad it's easier to say that you're okay and to fake a smile, than to frown and have to explain why you're upset. Too bad you're not strong enough to let yourself feel sad. Too bad you know that if you do, then you will fall harder and faster than you've ever fallen. Too bad you know that if you do, then there may be no recovery.

Too bad the second the words escape your lips the person moves on. Too bad you have to hold back tears and concentrate on your breathing. Too bad you know you have to continue to hold everything in no matter how much you want to let it out. Too bad that while you're holding everything in you're bringing yourself further and further down, closer and closer to the breaking point.

Too bad that everything eventually starts to feel numb and everything bad that happens from then on has no effect on you. Too bad you've become used to getting hurt, used to feeling pain, used to being empty and alone. Too bad you can't do it anymore. Too bad that you're not strong enough to hold that fake smile in place anymore. Too bad that you run. Too bad that you keep running. Away and away from everything and everyone. Too bad you fall to your knees, tears streaming down your face. Too bad you're shaking hands don't have the power to hold you together, to stop the pain.

Too bad that everything you've been holding together comes crashing down upon you in that instant. Too bad the numbness, and the emptiness, is still there, but overpowering it now is the fear of not being able to handle it anymore. Too bad there's no one around. Too bad there's no one you trust anyways. Too bad it's been so long since you've cried, too long since you've breathed, too long since you've felt safe, too long since you've actually felt okay.

Too bad, you think, as you say "I'm okay" one more time. Too bad, you think, as you try your best to regain control. Too bad, you think, that this slip up might just destroy you forever. Too bad, you think, as you close your eyes, just laying on the ground, just waiting. Too bad, you think, too bad.

hypocrites.

you do the exact same thing that you are complaining about them doing.
yet YOU'RE STILL COMPLAINING.

raise your hand for a minute?
that's who cares.

please. you think you're so much better than everyone else.
newsflashhh. YOU'RE NOT.

anger someone else with your bullshit complaints.
either that or just shut up.
or both.

k thanks.

take the hint or take the right hook.

clearly. you don't understand. and you don't know how to take a hint. or maybe you just don't recognize my obvious hints because you're too busy talking about yourself. so let me help you out here. just read below and then you'll be safe and able to remove yourself from my punching range before the right hook comes.

alright. here we go...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

hints that I don't want to talk to you:
-I respond to you with one word answers.
-I don't look you in the eyes.
-I stop responding to your text messages.
-I never respond in the first place to your text/skype messages.
-I try to get away from you.
-I tell you that I don't want to talk.
-It's obvious that I'm in a bad mood.

things I think about when you're talking to me and I don't want to talk to you:
-how much you piss me off
-how much you lie
-how much I don't believe you
-how full of yourself you are
-how you care about no one but yourself
-how you have to ruin everything and anything that may make someone else happy
-how much I just want to tell you to shut the fuck up
-how you're so oblivious that I don't want to talk to you
-how much I do not care about anything you're saying
-how much I want to punch you in the face

things I want to do when you're talking to me and I don't want to talk to you:
-punch you in the face
-punch me in the face
-yell at you
-tell you that I don't believe you
-tell you that I don't care
-get up and walk away
-tell you that you're full of shit
-cry a river
-cut my ears off
-throw up
-put a sock in it
-slap you across the face, twice
-call you out on your bullshit

things to do after you take the hint:
-well first take the hint
-then shut up quickly
-then move at least 5 yards away from me
-then stay 5 yards or more away from me without saying a word that I can hear for at least 48 hours or until I tell you otherwise (some people may require more than 48 hours away from me)
-repeat again if another hint is given

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

if you can spot the hints I give when I don't want to talk to you, realize what I'm thinking while you're talking to me, realize what the consequences are if you continue talking to me, and complete the steps provided above after you've taken the hint, then you should be fine and will probably survive the wrath of my anger and temporary hatred/annoyance towards you and avoid my right hook, unfortunately, there are no guarantees.


so you choose, will it be the hint, or the hook?

it's funny.

it's funny she thinks

how everyone says forever

but how forever never lasts

it's funny how they’re gone

it's funny how little trust she has

in the world around her

she’s been hurt too much

everything’s gone too far

it's funny how many lies

they said that she believed

it's funny how stupid

she felt after believing

it's funny how many times

she told herself she was fine

it's funny how many people

didn’t even notice she was lying

it's funny how time after time

she gave out second chances

because she dreamed

it would be different next time

it's funny how the people

that said that they’d changed

we’re only two-faced bitches

too self-absorbed to care

it's funny how every single time

it was all blamed on her

it's funny how she carried the pain

how no one saw her struggle

it's funny how she thought

that secrets could be kept

but even at her lowest points

no one could keep their mouth closed

it's funny how time changes

but people remain the same

everything keeps moving

but she’s standing perfectly still

it's funny how she’s alone

how there’s no one left to turn to

it's funny how she smiles through it

and people think she’s fine

it's funny how she says she doesn’t care

and then cries alone in her room

it's funny how she crouches on the floor

holding herself together

it's funny how she’s lost faith

in everything and everyone

it's funny how she’s done

how she doesn’t care anymore

it's funny how she wants to run

to escape what’s in her mind

to get away from this place

and isolate herself

it's funny how she’s leaving

how the last tear has dropped

it's funny because its over

and it's funny because she’s done.

realize.

Just stop the pretend

I want it all to end

stop asking the same

this pain isn’t a game

Keep hiding behind a smile

I've been doing it for awhile

no one knows it’s a lie

its almost time to say goodbye

I cant take it any longer

I’m not getting any stronger

I wish I could let it go

if only feelings I could show

You ask if im okay

and believe whatever I say

please don’t listen to me

this isn’t how I wanna be

Please see through to my tears

notice all my sorrow and fears

finally realize that im not fine

realize that all along I've been lyin’.

in my skin.

I look in the mirror

and I hate what I see

I understand exactly

why no one wants me

You say that I’m pretty

But why do you lie

Say it one more time

I think I might die

I see the attention

you get while we’re out

no one notices me

you’re what it’s all about

Comfortable in my skin

ha it’s just a disguise

There’s nothing to say

that can prove to you guys

You just don’t know

what it’s like to be

the ugliest in the group

I wish you could see

I laugh all the time

just smiling away

But I cry myself to sleep

at the end of the day

I’m falling apart

and nobody knows

But I’ll be okay

it’s the way it always goes.

sorry.

Once again it’s all on me

Not sure how to say sorry

Over and over it happens like this

into the ground I pound my balled fists

Maybe walking alone is best

try not to worry about all the rest

don't ever look behind you

or you know the pain’ll find you

Got me feelin’ so low

but I don’t let it show

just needa get through it

gonna push myself through it

But in case I look behind

in case time can rewind

just please listen to me

and know that I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I messed all this up

and I'm sorry that sorry will never be enough.